I will come off the bat saying that I have not been fully diagnosed with this condition; it is more of a self-diagnosis. I literally just saw a picture on Twitter/X about it, and it was a name I have never come across before, and curiosity got the better in me and looked into it. Some of you may be wondering "What is Alexithymia?", Well, the answer in the broadest terms would be the following, to name a few:

• Difficulty identifying and describing emotions.
• Limited imagination and creativity.
• A tendency to focus on external rather than internal experiences.
• A preference for routine and structure.
• Difficulty forming and maintaining close relationships.
• A tendency to avoid emotional or intimate situations.
• A lack of empathy or understanding for others' emotions.

It may differ from person to person, but I personally have a few of these. And this does bring up several memories while I was having CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) the therapists would often ask, "Do you have anxiety?" to which I always would respond, "I don't know." It is unknown to me how long I have had this condition, but it feels like it has been many years, if not my whole life. My day-to-day isn't really affected due to it. I do tend to avoid any and all confrontations if I do go out.

I have struggled with forming and maintaining relationships and feel like I have ultimately given up on such issues to avoid the inevitable pain that comes with it. And there have been times where I've tried to help cheer up a friend and utterly screwed up things since I wasn't reading the room right.